How to Ask Your Partner for a Prenuptial Agreement

Prenuptial agreements, also called “prenups,” are legally binding contracts that help engaged couples determine how they will divide assets if a divorce occurs. Couples are requesting prenuptial agreements now more than ever. The last several decades have seen a rapid shift in familial and financial dynamics.

Today’s generations marry later than previous ones, which offers additional years to accumulate personal assets and debt. Women’s roles as wage earners have shifted as well, according to the Pew Research Center. Over 31 percent of women earn at least half of a couple’s income, up by approximately one-third in their parents’ generation.

Prenuptial agreements are not a red flag in the relationship unless provisions are intentionally unfair or illegal. These documents are generally not cause for concern whether you sign or draft one. Regardless of the terms, each party has a right to review the terms with separate counsel or collectively in mediation.

In This Article

In this article, a southwestern Montana mediator shares essential information about asking your partner for a prenuptial agreement, including when getting one is helpful, approaching the conversation, and more.

Let’s start by looking at situations that may prompt couples to get a prenup.

Who Needs a Prenuptial Agreement?

The primary reason that people get a prenuptial agreement is to protect assets. However, this feature is not the only one that prenups offer. A prenuptial agreement lists assets owned by each party and establishes their rights should the marriage dissolve in the future.

Consider drafting a prenuptial agreement when any of the following conditions apply to your relationship:

·         Condition 1. You own significant assets and property

·         Condition 2. You want to avoid future arguments by discussing money now

·         Condition 3. Your intended spouse carries heavy debt

·         Condition 4. You are selling your pre-marital home

·         Condition 5. You have children from previous marriages

·         Condition 6. You want to understand your partner’s finances

·         Condition 7. Your intended spouse wants to feel more secure after divorce

Many engaged couples avoid talking about money if they feel it is unnecessary or want to avoid “rocking the boat.” However, a discussion about finances should take place before the marriage. This approach mitigates potential legal and financial issues from impacting both parties negatively.

This Bride’s Magazine article also discusses who needs a prenup.

Should Younger Couples Get a Prenup?

Younger couples may want to consider getting a prenup as a way to provide certainty should unforeseen circumstances arise. It can also support open, honest communication about your individual financial situations before marriage, which helps manage and set expectations. Even if you are still building assets, a prenuptial agreement can protect future assets that do not yet exist.

Is Asking Your Partner for a Prenuptial Agreement Offensive?

There is no question that it is hard asking your partner for a prenuptial agreement, and the statistics seem to support our fears. A Harvard Gazette survey found that 62 percent believe that prenuptial agreements signal negative feelings about the relationship. However, more than 15 percent of divorced people wished they had signed a prenuptial agreement to save on emotional anguish, legal fees, missed time at work, and court costs.

Prenups Are Not Punishments

A prenuptial agreement is not intended to punish one party in the event of divorce. Think of it as a document that protects both of you from debt and promotes a fair division of your assets during a time when you may not like one another very much. It can also support smoother divorce proceedings, even if you cannot stand being in the same room with each other.

Think “Win-Win” in Your Prenup

Always approach the prenuptial agreement conversation from a place of fairness. If you draft a one-sided prenuptial agreement, it could be unenforceable or cause your fiancé(e) could back out of the marriage entirely. Instead, draft an equitable, fair agreement and allow sufficient time for your partner to review it with their legal counsel for negotiation.

How to Make the Prenup Conversation Easier with Your Partner

No one can predict how your future spouse will react, except for people close to them, including you. Anticipate how your partner may respond, commit to accepting their feelings, and stick to making the process as easy as possible on them without sacrificing your values.

Here are five suggestions for approaching the conversation with your partner:

Tip 1. Avoid Waiting Until the Last Minute

Bringing up a prenuptial agreement a month before your wedding is probably not the best time. While initiating the conversation is challenging, the sooner you mention you bring it up, the better. This strategy provides additional time for the couple to discuss the situation and seek the best legal advice and representation.

Tip 2. Appreciate That It Is Not an Easy Conversation to Have

The discussion will be contentious regardless of how you broach the conversation of having a prenuptial agreement. If you embrace the gravity of the situation, you can focus on why you want one, which is critical to communicate to your partner.

Tip 3. Timing Is Everything

Ensure that both of you are in the right frame of mind when bringing up this subject. As a general rule of thumb, never bring it up during or after an argument. Find a good time where you can devote attention to one another and avoid disruptions.

Tip 4. Emphasize the Advantages

It’s critical to remember that a prenuptial agreement is not about a lack of trust but rather protection and planning. Provide your partner with a ton of genuine reassurance that you are not planning on getting a divorce and remind them that the prenuptial agreement protects them, too.

Tip 5. Consider Using Mediation for a More Intimate Setting

Another aspect to remember is that you and your partner can co-create your prenuptial agreement. This strategy ensures that both parties have the opportunity to express their concerns and negotiate together. Using a mediator can help the experience feel less “procedural” and more intimate.

Related Article: How Does Co-Parenting Mediation Work in Montana?

Mediating Your Prenuptial Agreement Feels More Personal

While some couples can negotiate their prenuptial agreement without the assistance of a mediator, others may benefit from an objective third party’s input. Hiring a mediator ensures that you reach an equitable, fair agreement for both parties and that your document will stand up in court if necessary. A mediator also helps both parties communicate in a constructive, open, and honest manner and that neither party is coerced or strong-armed into reaching an agreement.

In a mediated prenuptial agreement, the couple discusses the prenuptial agreement face to face. The mediator can provide you with advice and information regarding Montana family law and how your prenuptial agreement would affect them. We can also assist you in navigating prenuptial conflicts and disagreements, both by keeping you on track and helping you understand the other’s position.

The Law Offices of Marta N. Farmer, PLLC Can Help

A Montana mediator can make the conversation easier between you and your partner.

If you need legal help, contact the Law Offices of Marta N. Farmer, PLLC. Our legal team can help you draft the proper prenuptial agreement for you and your partner at (406) 529-2764 or message Marta here privately.